In this past Sunday’s Sermon, “God: The Only God, And Our
King” (Deut. 6:4), I asserted that teaching our children to obey parents and
other authorities so that they gain a pattern for what it looks like to submit
to and obey God is crucial to wise, biblical parenting. What is more, I made
the case for spanking to be used from roughly the toddler years through roughly
the early elementary years.
Now, some who were present to hear the message thought,
“Tom, did you really say that?” Or, “How could you still believe in such an
out-of-date, archaic, and abusive form of discipline?”
Please know that I truly do feel for those of you who
struggle with what I said and, to some degree, I understand it. That is the
reason I want to take up five of the chief reasons people argue against the use
of spanking with children and see if I can help navigate those potential
obstacles.
1. “I was abused as a child or at least had
a very negative experience with physical discipline. I don’t want to see that
happen to any child!”
This is certainly the challenge that gives me the greatest pause
when preaching on this subject. I have to admit that I don’t know what it is
like to be in your shoes. Though I was spanked as a child, I was never abused.
I also agree that any form of abuse is horrendous toward children!
Nevertheless, the form of spanking I advocate (as
represented in the Hidden Treasures in the bulletin and in the materials on
parenting introduced in that insert) is not abuse. It does not injure children,
it is not to be done in anger, and is to be done in a controlled manner that is
well thought-out ahead of time. I would argue that this form of spanking is far
more loving than either the permissive indulgence or extreme swings between
doing almost nothing and the intense anger that often replace spanking.
2. “According to psychological studies,
doesn’t spanking lead to violence or anger in the child later on? “
Yes, some studies make that point. As I have interacted with
those studies, however, my impression is that they have not done a good job of
distinguishing between different types of spanking. If abusive physical
discipline is part of the studies, along with loving, controlled Christian
approaches, it will certainly bring much different results than if the latter
is studied by itself. As I said Sunday, it is like saying that some teen
drivers are reckless, so we should conclude all are reckless and ban teen
driving altogether.
The other problem with these findings is the implication
that they are improving upon an approach that God has set forth in his Word. If
God truly does call for physical discipline of young children, then there must
be a way to do it that is constructive, positive, loving, and not harmful. That
is the approach we should look for and the approach I believe was set forth in
Sunday’s Hidden Treasures insert.
3. “Isn’t the Bible’s
use of ‘rod’ language figurative?”
Some argue that the Bible is calling for parents to
discipline with the use of rod, but is not actually calling them to apply
physical discipline. In other words, it is using figurative language.
That might hold, if it were not for
Proverbs 23:13-14:
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 14 If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.” The verb translated in both
verses as “strike,” means just that in the form it is found here and whenever
in that same form elsewhere (e.g. Ex. 2:12). This is addressing literal physical
discipline.
4. “We use time outs instead.”
Time outs
certainly can be another means of discipline. However, when a spanking is used
with a young child, the discipline can be administered quickly, it is over in a
short amount of time, it serves better to give a quick (but feared) consequence
for an action, and it often comes with less “drama”—especially as the young
child struggles to stay in the one place, the corner, or in the room.
5. “I am concerned about what others will
think.
The best manner in
which to spank a child is in private so as to avoid undue embarrassment to
them. What is more, because so much of society opposes the use of spanking, it
is not wise at all to use it in a public place. The more we do it in private
the less we need to be concerned about what onlookers think.
When it comes to
friends or family who may not disagree, it is like a lot of convictions a
Christian has with which others disagree. We must be prepared to “swim upstream
against the current,” be dependent on God’s gracious help to deal with the
opposition, and it can also help to be ready to explain the reasons we practice
spanking and also the controlled way in which we practice it—a way that does
not injure the child.
