Few people would dispute that our current culture has been shaped by families who are very kid-centered. Joseph Epstein refers to this as “kindergarchy” (rule by children). Here is his description: “Under kindergarchy all arrangements are centered on children: their schooling, their lessons, their predilections, their care and feeding and general high maintenance—children are the name of the game.”[1]
Epstein’s assessment is accurate. But the real question is
this, as Christian parents, what should we think about kindergarchy? Let me suggest several reasons why we need to
be careful.
First, because God is to be first in our life and this is a
big part of the change seen in one who is truly converted (see Exodus 20:3;
Isaiah 25:3; Jeremiah 32:40), our children need to learn that the world does
not revolve around them. It revolves around our Lord. In fact, this is most
likely one of the key reasons children are to submit to and honor parents
(Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:1-3). It is to teach them they should ultimately
submit to and honor God. Remember, our children should be a priority, but this
is different than making them the center of our and their universe.
Second, we must keep our self from idols and help our
children to do the same (1 John 5:21). So, however, we are parenting our
children, we must be praying and steering them away from God-replacements.
Kindergarchy drives them to idols—not golden calves, but images of the one they
see in the mirror!
Third, often kindergarchy comes with an outlook that hates
to be at odds with our children. After all, because we gain so much identity
from our sons and daughters, we want them to like us. This can easily lead us
to an unwillingness to teach our children they are sinners. If they never come
to see they are sinners, they can never see their need for Jesus Christ.
Fourth, kindergarchy also often comes with a desire to give
our children as many opportunities in life as we can. On the one hand we think
that such opportunities will be what make them a success. On the other hand, we
think that these opportunities keep our children out of trouble. If we are not
careful this tendency (which does have in it elements of truth), can turn these
opportunities into our functional gods. We begin to define success in life as experiencing
lots of good things and avoiding the bad things. For this brand of salvation
Jesus Christ is not needed as Savior.
Fifth, when children (or our surrounding child-centered
culture) are “calling the shots,” the Word of God is not. This means that we
can easily conclude family devotions are not necessary, there is no need really
to shepherd the hearts of sons and daughters by the gospel, and the Church is
something we go to when there is nothing else to do, rather than who we are as
the body of Christ!
It is the case that I or someone else cannot necessarily
determine whether or not kindergarchy is the state of your home and family.
Maybe it is not. But, its prevalence around us should at least move us to
examine our hearts, our motives, our schedules, and our attitudes toward our
sons and daughters to make sure Christ, not they, is Lord.
[1] Joseph Epstein, “The Kindergarchy: Every Child A
Dauphin,” The Weekly Standard, 13, 7 (June 9, 2008).
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