The Silence Of Adam

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It is just four words in the English Standard Version translation of a phrase in Genesis 3:6 and only one word in the original Hebrew: “...who was with her....” It seems innocuous enough at first glance. And yet, it is a powerful and revealing statement. I will explain.

In the larger context of Genesis and the rest of Scripture, it is clear that Adam was given a role in which he is to lead, protect, and help his wife to flourish. Consider:

• He was placed in a garden, in part, in order to “keep” it, which implies protecting it and those in it (Gen. 2:15).

 

• The woman was an equally prominent helper for Adam (Gen. 2:18), which not only means they were equal in value and significance, but also had different roles.

 

• Regarding these different roles, the fact that God created humans as male and female and then gave to them the general label of “man” (cf. Gen. 1:27; 5:1-2), strongly implies that the man had a leadership role to the woman and representative role for both before God. 

 

• In Ephesians 5:32 Paul affirms that from the very beginning of time God designed marriage in such a way that it provides a picture of the gospel, i.e. Jesus Christ and the Church. As a result, the husband is the “head” of the wife (Eph. 5:23: “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”). The word translated, “head” (kephalē) in that passage has been thoroughly studied in all its uses in the New Testament, the Greek translation of the Old Testament, and in the non-biblical literature of that time period, and it has been found that it speaks of authority and a sense of leadership. 

 

So, from the very beginning, the husband was to lead and protect his wife in a way in which she flourishes. This is the very opposite of standing by while she is tempted to disobey God and His wise ways, remaining silent, and not even trying to turn her away from a destructive and death-producing decision! 

 

It should also be noticed that rather than leading and fighting to protect her, he relinquished his leadership and followed her into sin. 

 

Husbands, God not only designed you to have a strong heart to make a difference in the world around you, as part of that, He gave you the responsibility to lead in your marriage. This is how marriages and families work best. 

 

Does this mean that husbands have more rights than wives? No!  It is more about responsibility. One pastor teaching on this subject explained that if a married couple is having problems and Jesus showed up at their house to help them, and the wife answers the door, Jesus would say, “___ (wife), Hi, it is good to see you. I want to talk to you a little later. But first, I want to visit with ___ (husband).” In other words, the husband has an even greater responsibility to set the Christ-like, God-glorifying, Spirit-led direction of the marriage. But of course, the wife is also a significant part of this as well!

 

In our next article we will see how the husband is to lead. For now, husbands need to hear, “Don’t be silent and passive like Adam!” This is something that tempts all men. Instead, we should follow the teaching of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, applying it to our marriage: “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”

 

Joyously Following God’s Wisdom With You As Your Joyful Pastor,

 

Tom

A Shot In The Arm

The Cambridge Dictionary (on-line) explains the meaning of this idiom this way: “Something that has a sudden and positive effect...providing encouragement and new activity.” In this fifth post in which I am seeking to help strengthen marriages, I want to provide a shot in the arm for husbands and wives with this admonition. Nothing will have a greater positive effect that also provides encouragement than remembering that marriage is a covenant (Genesis 2:24; Malachi 2:14). In other words, it is a solemn bond and agreement between a husband and a wife, made before God and other witnesses, which means each spouse should remain faithful to the vows they made when there were married. 

 

Remembering and living out this covenant will bring at least the following seven benefits to your marriage.

 

1. It will help you remember the importance of your marriage to fulfilling the theological purpose that stands behind it of imaging God’s covenant with us, including the relationship of Christ with His bride (Malachi 2:14; Ephesians 5:32). 

 

2. It will remind you that one of the most important responsibilities and joys you have in your marriage is for you to carry out the vows you made to your spouse and for you to maintain and pursue peace with them (Gen. 2:24; Malachi 2:14-16; Matthew 19:3-9; Romans 12:18).

 

3. It will keep before you the key to loving and remaining faithful to your spouse when it is hard, to remember that you keep your covenant because God, through Christ, has made covenant with you and thus committed Himself to empower you with all you need to carry out His will, including His will in your marriage (Leviticus 26:12; Jeremiah 31:31-34; Ezekiel 36:25-27; Luke 22:20; 2 Corinthians 9:8).

 

4. Related to the previous point, God has committed Himself to be with you, to be your God, and for you to be part of his people (Leviticus 26:12), through Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 1:20). 

 

5. Related to the previous two points, it relieves you from thinking that you carry on your shoulders the weight of the marriage and its health. We love, relate to our spouse, and remain faithful to Christ in our marriage by His grace (2 Cor. 9:8).

 

6. It provides the resolve to pursue peace and work things out in your marriage, rather than pursuing divorce, since you vowed to do so to your spouse, to witnesses who were present at your wedding, and most importantly, before God (Gen. 2:24; Ecclesiastes 5:4-5; Malachi 2:14-16; Matthew 19:3-9).

 

7. It nudges you to think more deeply about all relationships, since all godly relationships are covenantal in nature and so we should also commit to our children to remain faithful in our marriage since it also benefits them by your carrying out to them commitments in your marriage you should have to them (John 13:34-35; Galatians 5:6; 6:1-2, 10; 1 Thessalonians 5:15; Hebrews 3:12-14). 

 

So, by Christ’s grace, remain faithful to the covenant of marriage and enjoy the outcomes! 

 

Joyously Keeping Covenant With You As Your Joyful Pastor,

 

Tom

Help Your Spouse Flourish

Whenever Christians talk about the Bible’s teaching on marriage, we almost always go to the different roles for wives and husbands. This, then, causes discomfort: Wives struggle with the idea of submitting and husbands often with the idea of leading in the home.

 

Yet, what if we had a different starting point? What if we first focus on the Creation Mandate from Genesis 1:28? “And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” As we have been learning in Sunday morning sermons, the verb, “subdue,” speaks of organizing and bringing into order so that the world, living creatures, and especially the God-imaging worshipers (humans) who are filling the world are flourishing and experiencing God’s true and abundant life. This mandate applies to how husbands and wives relate to each other. So, what if our starting point is that we want to help our spouse flourish? 

 

What would it involve to help your spouse flourish?

 

1. Love and respect them (Eph. 5:1-2, 25, 32; Col. 3:14; 1 Peter 4:8).

 

2. Make it your goal that they grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ through drawing closer to Him as they practice the habits of grace, and pray for them to this end (Acts 2:42-47; Eph. 5:25-27; 6:10-19; James 5:16). Occasionally share with each other how you are doing in your walk with Christ.

 

3. Pray for them and look for ways to make sure that they have ample opportunities to serve the Lord and others through their spiritual gifts, to the glory of the Lord (1 Peter 4:10-11). 

 

4. Glorify the Lord Jesus Christ through bearing with them and forgiving them as needed (Col. 3:13, 17).

 

5. Glorify the Lord Jesus Christ through letting the Word of Christ dwell in you richly (Col. 3:16) and then relating to your spouse out of what wisdom (3:18-19). 

 

6. Learn to listen to your spouse before you respond and/or make statements to them. This is part of our wisdom and love toward them (Prov. 18:13).

 

7. When it comes to the different roles husbands and wives have, view them and approach those roles as first and foremost helping them to flourish. It is part of our Christ-like love toward one another. 

 

Jesus Christ is the ultimate model of one who made it his goal to help His bride flourish. He came that we may have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10). Since our marriage is to mirror and honor the relationship of the ultimate Bridegroom with His bride, set your priority in marriage to be that your spouse flourishes to the glory of God!

 

Joyously Helping Spouses Flourish As Your Joyful Pastor,

 

Tom

The Same And Different

A very common reason behind why married couples struggle significantly is because they misunderstand in what ways they are the same and in what ways they are different. Here is some biblical wisdom for how to solve this. 

 

1. We must realize husbands and wives (males and females) are equally created in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-27; 2:18) and so are equally significant in God’s eyes. When a person has more strength, greater empathy, a greater intelligence, or a more visible set of gifts than someone else, this does not threaten this reality. Since this is true, when a husband and wife are both Christians, they are coheirs or fellow heirs of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7, CSB, NASB).

 

2. We must remember that husbands and wives are equally significant when it comes to serving the Lord and His body. Both are to use their spiritual gifts to serve the Lord and fellow Christians, as good stewards of God’s varied grace (1 Corinthians 12:4-12; 1 Peter 4:10).

 

3. They are equal in each being essential to the marriage and family. Of course, both husband and wife are necessary biologically for a child to be born. Each, however, in some of the differences they bring to the marriage and family—the gentle, affectionate, caring, sensitive way of a typical mother (1 Thes. 2:7-8) and the challenging, boundary-pushing, stretching way of a typical father—is needed to provide a full-orbed, godly atmosphere to the home. 

 

4. Husbands and wives each have the same ultimate purposes toward each other, which include helping each other to flourish (Gen. 1:26-28) and thus loving each other in a Christ-like manner (Matt. 22;37-40; Eph. 5:1-2).  

 

Yet, there are also many differences we must keep before us for a marriage to function to its fullest. 

 

5. Husbands and wives are well-served in facing the reality that there is a difference in strength between husbands and wives (1 Peter 3:7). On the one hand, this is why the history of the world is one in which women have been abused and taken advantage of in horrible ways. On the other hand, it provides the husband the opportunity to use that greater strength in a courageous way to provide for, defend, and to protect his bride, thus showing how the infinitely powerful One humbled Himself to love, serve, and save His bride (1 Cor. 16:13-14; Eph. 5:25-27; 1 Pet. 3:7). It also motivates wives to love their husbands sacrificially by continuing to respect them, even when the husband is not as sensitive or understanding as the wife thinks they should be (Eph. 5:33). 

 

6. Given what we saw in the previous number, husbands and wives must remember they have different roles. The husband is the head of the wife, which means he has a leadership role in the marriage and in the family (Gen. 2:18; 5:1-2; Eph. 5:23). Yet, the way one leads in a Christ-like way is to do so sacrificially (Eph. 5:25), as a servant (Mt. 20:28), even though there is still a call to set the direction and priorities (Eph. 5:25-27; 6:4). Understood in the light of all of Scripture, the husband is to love and lead his wife in a way that she flourishes in all of life, yes, in all her walk with Christ (Gen. 1:26-28; Eph. 5:25-27). The wife, even though she will have superior gifts and skills in some areas than her husband, she remembers they have different roles, and she must support and encourage her husband in his leadership. She, therefore, places herself under his leadership (Eph. 5:21-24). The husband, in turn, wants input from his wife, rather than making decisions unilaterally. 

 

7. One of the big differences typically found between a husband and wife is how each is to love the other. A wife needs and desires her husband to love her in a way that she feels secure (1 Cor. 16:13-14; Eph. 5:33; 1 Pet. 3:7). Failure on the part of the husband to remember this can lead to a great deal of frustration on the part of the wife, which, when expressed to the husband, leads to frustration on his part—as well as a greater inability to make her feel secure. Husbands need to be respected (Eph. 5:33). When wives feel insecure, they tend to lose respect and when husbands are disrespected, they tend to do a worse job of providing secure love. 

 

8. They are different in their approaches to parenting, as we have already seen in 1 Thes. 2:7-8, 11. They must navigate these differences. Here is a place in which the husband must take leadership to walk through these differences graciously, listening to his wife and her concerns before reaching decisions (Prov. 18:13) and communicating his concerns about the situation in a way that puts her and the children ahead of himself. He remembers that how he communicates is as important as what he communicates (1 Cor. 16:13-14). 

 

9. Finally, aside from their different sex, they will be different in some areas of specialization in the relationship and home. In many marriages the wife specializes in cooking more than the husband. However, there are also many where this is reversed. In many marriages the husband specializes in the direct management of the finances. However, in many this is reversed. To give a personal example, my wife enjoys and specializes in all bookkeeping and accounting. At the same time, I am the one who washes the windows and does the vacuuming. Couples who work through these areas of specialization and come to at least a reasonable level of contentment in them will tend to have less conflict than if they do not. 

 

May God give you joy in the ways that husbands and wives are the same and different, and in all of this, they mirror the gospel of Jesus Christ!

 

Enjoying The Similarities And Differences With You As Your Joyful Pastor,

 

Tom