Wife, Delight In Your Husband Flourishing

 In Paul’s teaching on marriage, as seen in Ephesians 5:33, we discover that wives are to “respect” their husband. The word translated “respect” is phobeō. It speaks of a reverence or respect that is the opposite of taking someone lightly. Part of the implication is that the wife should acknowledge her husband’s leadership role and value it as coming from God. The passage began by calling all kinds of Christians to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ and the word translated, “reverence” is the noun form of the above verb. It is phobos.

This exhortation from Paul comes at the end of his teaching on marriage and appears to be a last word to husbands (“Love his wife as himself”) and to wives (“respects her husband”). As the last word to each, it appears to be a key need that each spouse needs. A wife needs to be loved in a manner that she is secure in that love and knows her husband loves her. A husband needs to be treated in such a way that he is not belittled or made by his wife to feel insignificant. 

Wife, in light of what we have seen in previous articles about the marriage relationship, your ultimate call by God toward your husband is to help him flourish (Gen. 1:26-28). And helping others flourish, as God wills for us, should lead to our delight. What this means, is that you should delight in helping your husband flourish. 

Here are some ways you can do that. 

1. Since the husband is called lead in your marriage and family, pray for him to do this, even when it is hard. What is more, affirm him when he is doing well. When you think he is falling short, pray for him much, before trying to force him to change so that he leads better. 

2. Realize all husbands (other than Jesus Christ) will fail in some way as they lead in their marriage and family. Be patient with and forgiving toward him. (See Col. 3:13) Also, refrain from trying to force him to change through incessant reminders or through anger (1 Peter 3:1-2). To the best of your ability and God’s grace, follow their lead and give them space to lead, rather than becoming the leader yourself in his place.

3. If all of this is hard for you, find another mature Christian woman who can keep you accountable, pray for you, and help you work through how to apply the will of God in wise ways (Col. 1:9f.; Heb. 3:12-14).

4. Look for opportunities to affirm your husband in his decisions and leadership. He needs to know you appreciate him and notice when he is trying to carry out God’s will. 

5. Never forget that God has designed us so that marriage functions best when husbands are leading and wives are encouraging that leadership. As we have already said, this will not mean that you cannot give input to your husband, nor does it mean you and he will not make decisions together. Yet, it does demand you encourage him as often as possible in his leadership. 

May God give you grace to “play the Jesus role” to which He has called you, and may God shower you with His blessings as you are faithful to Him in marriage.  

Praying For You As Your Joyful Pastor,

Tom