In our last article we wrote, wife, that one of the ways you place yourself underneath your husband, who is your spiritual head, is to delight in helping him flourish in his role as a Christlike servant-leader who loves you as Christ loves the church. God has created your husband to be strong, to lead courageously, and care for his family with brave, manly love (Gen. 2:15; 1 Cor. 16:13-14; 1 Pet. 3:7). This does not mean he will be perfect at this or will always be right. Yet, if a wife makes her husband feel as if he doesn’t measure up, is rarely right or sufficient, it is like always keeping a dog chained up, when he is meant to run, play, hunt, retrieve, and smell all he can! He can’t be who he is supposed to be! This is the opposite of helping the husband flourish.
There is no passage that addresses this more clearly than Ephesians 5:33. In this final word to wives in Paul’s teaching on marriage, he summarizes one of the most important ways a wife should treat her husband: “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.” The word that the ESV translates “respect,” is phobeĊ, and is translated as “respect” in the majority of English versions. It is related to the noun in Ephesians 5:21 translated as “reverence” (phobos): “…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” The idea is this, flowing out of our reverential high esteem and deep love for Jesus Christ, who is our Lord and Savior, we long to honor Him in our marriage. Wife, this should lead to you respecting, that is, having a high esteem for your husband and the place Jesus Christ has given him in your marriage and family.
Here are some ways you can do this.
1. Remember That Ultimately Your Respect Is For Jesus Christ.
Since we submit to each other so that we each flourish as God designed for us, and do this out of reverential high esteem for our Lord and Savior (Eph. 5:21), wife, you respect the place that Christ has given your husband, the purpose that Christ has in this (giving a picture of the gospel, v. 32), and the prospect of who your husband can become, if he is not currently the leader you would like for him to be.
2. Remember That Your Respect For Jesus Christ And His Purpose In Your Marriage Should Lead To Prayer.
From The beginning of Scripture (Gen. 1:26-28; 2:18-25) to this passage in Ephesians, part of the mission God has given to man and woman is to help the world and all in it to flourish. Since this includes the picture of the gospel that is to be seen in and through marriage (Eph. 5:32), wife, this means there is no more important mission that your Lord and Savior has given you than to humble yourself in your marriage, love like Jesus loves, and help your husband become who God intended him to be. This does not mean trying to change him yourself. It is to pray much for him (Phil. 4:6) that God will help him to be the kind of leader God wants in your marriage.
3. Remember That The Standard for Leadership In Marriage Comes From The Lord Jesus Christ And Not You.
Sometimes wives are disappointed with their husbands, not because the husbands do not measure up to Christ’s standards, but because they do not meet the wife’s expectations. Therefore, be a student of how Christ wants your husband to lead (Matt. 20:20-28; Eph. 5:25-27, 33; Col. 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:7), pray for him to these ends, and finally, confess to God and repent of ways you have tried to change him to meet your expectations (1 John 1:9), and then confess this to your husband, asking for his forgiveness (James 5:16).
4. Remember That Your Marriage Is One Of God’s Best Tools To Sanctify You.
Often God uses trials, difficulties and disappointments to sanctify us, that is, to help us become more like Jesus Christ (Rom. 8:29; 2 Cor. 3:18; 1 Peter 1:6-9). It may be that Christ is changing you and in that transformation you will see your husband influenced to change.
Wife, Jesus Christ calls you to trust and obey Him, and to leave the results in His hands. May you be faithful to Him, especially in loving your husband in a way that respects him, and encourages him to flourish in his role as a husband.
Reverencing Jesus Christ With You As Your Joyful Pastor,
Tom
