Since wives are not called by God to be the leader in a marriage, women often want to know how they can influence their husbands to come to faith in Jesus Christ or, if they are a Christian and not leading, how they can influence them to step up to the plate.
For women asking that question, it is good news that Peter gives an answer in 1 Peter 3:1-7. Here is the answer Peter gave:
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Peter tells each wife who hopes for change in her husband the following.
First, when husbands (to whose Christ-like, loving leadership wives are to submit, vv. 1, 7) do not obey the Word of God and wives want this to change, Peter teaches they are to win them with their conduct, rather than trying to talk them into changing. The reasoning behind this is twofold. On one hand, since God created marriage to function best when wives respect their husband (Eph. 5:33), it usually does not work for a wife to attempt to push her husband into change, thinking that the more you talk to him and the louder you talk will bring about the greatest results. Instead, show him in your love for him and your family and how you walk with Jesus, the powerful way God can change a person. On the other hand, as Peter emphasizes later in this letter, people change through prayer. So, pray for your husband and win him with your prayerful, godly, Christlike conduct.
Next, do not think that all you need to do is to look pretty outwardly (v. 4). Instead, as you show your husband godly conduct, show him what it looks like to trust in Jesus Christ with a gentle and quiet attitude (inward beauty), rather than a combative demeanor (v. 4). After all, any wife can be combative. Only one powerfully transformed by Christ can be serene and at peace in less-than-ideal (and maybe even very difficult) circumstances.
Additionally, stop listening to all the voices outside the Church and outside Scripture who tell you what you need to do so you can change your circumstances. Most will tell you, “Stand up for yourself!” Or, “You have to do what is best for you!” Yet, what Peter writes here about how wives influence their husbands is what “in God’s sight is very precious.” Never forget that our all-powerful, sufficient Savior , Jesus Christ, working through His sufficient Word, can change a heart and create a believing and leading husband out of one who has been silent and passive.
Finally, follow the example of and learn from godly women in Scripture, throughout history, and even around you in your church, to see not only how to win your husband by your conduct, but also to strengthen your faith that God can work in His way to change your husband (vv. 5-6).
Wife, remember that much of the Christian life is counterintuitive: Stop working to save yourself and believe on Him instead (Eph. 2:8-10), the way to exaltation is to humble yourself (1 Peter 5:6), and the best way to love a spouse is to love them less…that is, less than Jesus (Luke 14:26; Eph. 5:1-2, 21-33). We can add to this: if you want your husband to trust Jesus and to obey Him in the leadership of your marriage and family, stop trying to force or talk him into it. Instead, talk to God about him and win him as you live out your faith.
Living Out Our Faith With You As Your Joyful Pastor,
Tom
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