The Bible teacher and author, Paul Tripp, once wrote to married couples: “No one gets to be married to the perfect spouse.” This includes you and your spouse. You are married to a sinner and so is your spouse. This means you will be disappointed, let down, hurt, and sinned against by them, but the same is true of them. Such experiences often lead to great distance between spouses. Yet, if all couples experience this, why do some end up with ugly distance between each other—sometimes separation and divorce—and some work through the sin against each other. How do couples work through this effectively?
In this last article in our marriage series, we will look at four lessons that will not only prevent ugly distance but will draw us closer together.
1. Learn A Realistic View Of Your Marriage.
Paul says in Ephesians 4:31 the following, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Why does Paul have to write this? Because even Christians still have a sin nature and hurt each other. This naturally leads to bitterness, anger, and saying hurtful things to each other, which multiplies the bitterness, anger, and the hurtful words. If not checked, this will destroy a marriage.
If we think that such things can’t happen in our marriage, we have taken the first step toward such ugly distance.
How do we follow Ephesians 4:31? Paul makes it clear in this letter. It is because of Gods’ gracious work in us through the saving work of Jesus Christ (Eph. 1:4-7:2:8-9), which enables us to live like a new person (Eph. 2:10; 4:24) as we are strengthened in the Lord Jesus Christ and the power that comes from His might (Eph. 6:10).
This leads to our second lesson.
2. Learn To Be Content in God.
In Philippians 4:11 Paul wrote of himself: “…I have learned, in whatever situation I am, to be content.” The Puritan pastor, Jeremiah Burroghs, in his book, The Rare Jewel Of Christian Contentment, wrote that contentment, according to Scripture, is: “The sweet, inward, quiet, gracious way of thinking and behaving that gladly submits to and freely delights in God’s wise and fatherly way of doing things in every circumstance.” In other words, the content Christian realizes that even when people sin and do things they should not have done, nevertheless, God is still in control and working all things together for our good. God brought together you and your spouse. He gave each of you to each other. He wants you to glorify Him by how you love each other and display a picture of Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:32). How your spouse treats you will not decide your well-being or lack thereof. God wants you to trust in Him, be content in Him, and love your spouse as Christ has loved you and given Himself for you—even though you deserve the opposite (Eph. 5:1-2).
Chrisian contentment is so essential for you to love your spouse in spite of sin and pain against you.
Such contentment leads to the next lesson.
3. Learn To Forgive.
In Ephesians 4:32 Paul writes: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” In other words, God’s forgiveness of us should lead to our forgiveness of others. After all, as we read in Matthew 18:23-35, what we must forgive our spouse for is nothing compared to how much God forgave of us. Additionally, God’s forgiveness of us leads to such a transformation in the lives of the truly saved, that not to forgive calls into question whether or not one is truly saved.
Learn to forgive your spouse flowing out of your transformation by and your union with Christ as a new person.
These first three lessons are so essential to prevent ugly distance between you. Yet, they all flow out of the fourth lesson.
4. Learn To Put Your Spouse Ahead Of You.
In Philippians 2:3-4 Paul writes: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” The apostle goes on to say living like this is living like Jesus who put our need of salvation ahead of His own well-being. He humbled Himself, took on flesh, suffered and died for His bride. When we trust in the Father’s care for us, are content in Him, realize He wants us to love our spouse in such a way we put them in front of self, we then realize, as a result, we can and should forgive our spouse and love them even when we are hurt and disappointed.
In this closest of all relationships, may Christ give you the grace to be strengthened and in Him to love as He commands and as your marriage needs.
Praying For You And Your Marriage As Your Joyful Pastor,
Tom
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