Wife, Put Yourself In The Right Place

“Wife, Put Yourself In The Right Place”

In Ephesians 5:18 all those who have been saved and transformed into new people are commanded to “be filled (that is, led and controlled) with the Spirit.” Then we are told in 5:21 that those who are filled with the Spirit will place themselves underneath others, that is put them and their needs before self. The motivation for this will be robust reverential awe and adoration before the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Paul goes on to say that what this means for wives is that they will place themselves underneath their own husbands (Ephesians 5:22), and the reason is that the husband has been given a place of leadership in the marriage and home (5:23), and all this provides a picture of Jesus Christ and His relationship to the church (Ephesians 5:32). Because God has designed men, women, and marriage to function best when husbands and wives accept and live out the role He has given to each, I take this to mean that your marriage relationship, wife, will work the best when you follow the Spirit’s lead and God’s command to place yourself underneath your husband’s leadership, and when you encourage your husband to take up his God-given role. 

Of course, I have never been in your shoes and so I can’t say, “I know what it is like to place myself underneath a spouse as they take a place of leadership in our relationship.” But, I do know that this is not easy. So, let me provide a number of helps that Scripture provides. 

Help One: This Does Not Mean Your Husband Is More Important Than You.

When God created Adam and Eve, He made it clear that though they would have different roles, they are equal in value and significance (Genesis 2:18). The intent was never to disrespect women, including you, your gifts, and abilities, but to communicate in this relationship the gospel of Jesus Christ, including how He and the church relate. 

Help Two: This Does Not Mean Your Husband Is More Talented Or Capable Than You.

You, like all people, have strengths and weaknesses. So does your husband, and this means that there will be some things you do better than he, and some things he will do better than you. The wise husband prays for, loves, and relates to his wife in a way that encourages her to use her gifts and to contribute to decisions made as a couple—as much as possible. 

Pray for your husband to lead and love sacrificially, like Christ loves the church sacrificially. Pray that God will give wisdom to him for how to do this, and wisdom to you so you can, at one and the same time, use your gifts and talents, but also can encourage him in his leadership. This is a “dance” that will not be the same in all married couples. 

Help Three: Jesus Died For You To Live For Him And Others, Not Self.

In 2 Corinthians 5:15 Paul writes that Jesus died for you so that you would no longer live for self but for Jesus Christ (and what He wills for us, and so we will live for others). This means that God wants you to relate in a way to your husband such that he can fulfill his calling in marriage and you can also. If you have children, this also includes serving them by showing them the gospel in your marriage and by showing them how husbands and wives are to relate to each other as followers of Jesus. 

Wife, remember, and regularly pray about this: Your role as a wife is one of the ways you serve Jesus Christ and His glory!

Help Four: You Are Helping Your Husband, Children, And Others Around You Flourish.

We will talk about this more in our next post. Simply-put, you are praying for, loving, and relating to your husband not as a floor mat to be walked all over, but as a Christ-like loving wife, setting an example for others. 

Help Five: Remember Both You And Your Husband Are Called To Fulfill A Jesus Role.

Your husband is called to be a leader who leads you and the family as a servant who loves you and is willing to sacrifice himself for you all (Mat. 20:20-28; Ephesians 5:25-27). 

You are called to place yourself, an equal to your husband, underneath his leadership, in the same way Jesus the Son does to the Father (1 Cor. 11:3), and you are called to imitate Jesus by releasing your hold on equality with your husband, placing yourself under his leadership humbly, similar to the way Jesus humbled Himself to save us (Phil. 2:5-8). 

Help Six: Remember The Way To Future Exaltation Is First Through Humility.

As Jesus illustrated for us (Phil. 2:5-11) and as God commands us through Peter (1 Peter 5:6), we all are to live in humility as the way to reward and exaltation. All are to do this. You, as a wife, are called to live this out, in part, in your marriage. 

Wife, bottom-line, as Jesus taught in John 15:1-16, the way to fullness of joy is to abide in Him in such a way that we love one another sacrificially, for the glory of God. No doubt you, like every wife, will face difficult days as a wife who is trying to follow your husband’s leadership, but in the long run, this will be the way to greatest joy and service of the Lord to His glory in your marriage.

So, by His grace, put yourself in the right place!

Joyously Sacrificing With You,

Tom